


this feelin' i got

by ghosthunter



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, YOU KNOW WHAT YEAH, coming to terms with sexuality, internalized homphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-12 03:24:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21227249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghosthunter/pseuds/ghosthunter
Summary: “I don’t know how to make it clearer that I’m interested in you,” Radko tells him. “And I thought you were interested, too.”





	this feelin' i got

**Author's Note:**

> you know what i'm not sorry. they're the ones who are being cute with each other all the time and llwyncelyn is the one who sent me the pictures.
> 
> speaking of llwyncelyn, thanks for beta and for encouraging these shenanigans.

Radko is touching him again.

It’s– it’s fine, really. A hand drops down on the back of Jonas’s neck in the locker room, an arm drapes across his shoulders on the bench, a hand comes to rest on his waist and then is gone just as fast. Jonas is used to being on a team with a lot of people who touch him all of the time. All. of. the. time. But this seems different. It seems like something more.

He doesn’t know if it’s because Radko is new, because Radko came here after he did, or if it’s just something special about him. The feeling of anyone else’s hands on him isn’t lingering in his mind this way.

Sometimes Radko talks to him, leaned in close to his ear, his breath whispering across the shell of it. Jonas definitely doesn’t think about that when he’s alone, in bed or in the shower, his hand on his cock. The way it would feel to have Radko breathing warm on his neck, beard scraping against his skin– 

He’s definitely not gay. 

Well, he’s pretty sure he’s not gay. Because you just don’t play hockey professionally and be gay. And like, World Junior Championships notwithstanding, because he was a teenager and–

Nico’s the only boy he’s ever kissed and–

Sloppy handjobs and giggling and it was just stress relief and–

Jonas thinks about Nico maybe more than he should. He tells himself it’s because Nico has got soft, pretty hair and a pretty face, and is a little more feminine than most of the guys he plays with. Almost like a girl.

Radko is not at all like a girl.

His mind keeps wandering back to Radko, whenever he imagines someone else’s hands on him– big and calloused and strong enough to dig into muscle, making him do whatever Radko might want. Jonas ends up coming over his fingers and stifling a whimper by biting his lip.

He’s zoned out stickhandling during warm-ups when Radko dead-legs him with his stick from behind. He almost goes down on one knee before turning to see Radko grinning at him.

“Get out of your head, Siegs,” Radko says to him.

“I’m not in my head,” he protests, even though he absolutely was. It’s not normal to zone out on the ice thinking about your defense partner, but that’s definitely what happened.

“You haven’t looked at anything but that puck in at least two minutes,” Radko says. He bumps his full body against Jonas’s. “Go do something else. Get warm.”

Jonas laughs at him, a little nervous. He feels warm all of a sudden, but in an awful, embarrassing way, and not in the ‘ready to play hockey’ way that Radko means.

In spite of how weird warmups are, Jonas still has a pretty good game. He spends most of his night making sure that Mika Zibanejad doesn’t score by sticking to him like a shadow, and he succeeds, which feels pretty fucking good. Kempny takes an elbow to the head – in his first game back! – which is fucked up, but Radko fights about it.

Which is hot.

Jonas is trying desperately not to think about how hot it is.

Radko stops him in the parking garage as they’re leaving.

“Do you want to swing by tonight?” he asks. They have practice again in the morning, and they’re leaving for Chicago right after that. It’s a weird question.

“Um,” Jonas says. “I don’t know. I have to pack for the road trip and–“

“Siegs,” Radko says. “Do you like getting laid?”

“What?” Jonas blurts, certain that he has to be imagining Radko saying this to him.

“I don’t know how to make it clearer that I’m interested in you,” Radko tells him. He scratches a hand over his beard, looking at Jonas, serious. “And I thought you were interested, too.”

“I’m–“ Jonas starts. He doesn’t even know what to say. He wants to say yes. “I’m not gay,” he finally says. “Hockey players aren’t– can’t.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and he knows it looks stupid with his suit, but he can’t find it in himself to worry about that right now.

“You are so young,” Radko says, and smiles at him. He’s clearly not making fun of Jonas when he says it, his tone so very fond. “You can be whatever you want. You are just very discreet.”

“Discreet,” Jonas repeats stupidly.

“People don’t have to know things that you don’t want them to know,” Radko says, and shrugs. He turns to walk toward his car. “The invitation to come home with me stands.”

Jonas stands there, in the middle of the parking garage, his heart is racing. He can make the decision. He can do this. This thing that he tells himself he can’t think about, that he can never explore, because he wants to play hockey and it’s just something that guys who play hockey don’t do. 

Or he can not do it. He can go home, and trust that Radko won’t tell anyone. He’s pretty sure that he wouldn’t; it’s just as incriminating for Radko as it is for Jonas.

He gets in his car and he follows Radko home.

Radko lets them into the house, and turns on the lights in the kitchen. “You hungry?” he asks, and like. Jonas could eat. He could always eat. But whether he’s supposed to do it is a different story.

He shrugs instead of answering, and Radko’s eyebrows meet in the middle.

“Drink?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Jonas says.

Radko has actually good Czech beer and Jonas appreciates that intensely. He mostly drinks the American shit he and Lewy pick up cheap, a habit they both got into when they lived together in Hershey.

Radko leans against the counter and looks at him. “What do you want?”

“What?” Jonas asks.

“When you think about this,” Radko says. “When you jerk off. What do you want?”

Jonas makes a tiny, involuntary panicked noise, and that makes Radko laugh.

“We all do it,” he tells Jonas, lifts his beer and takes a drink. “What do you think about when you do it?”

“Girls,” Jonas says.

“Liar,” Radko counters. He’s right. “You don’t have to be scared. It is– what do American’s say? Safe space.”

Jonas laughs, a little bit hysterical. He’s not sure he can do this.

“Let me guess then,” Radko says. Jonas takes too big of a pull of his beer and the carbonation hurts his throat. “You’re not a virgin.”

“No,” Jonas confirms.

“But you’ve never been with a man,” Radko says.

“No,” Jonas says, his grip tightening on his beer.

“But you want to,” Radko says.

“Yes,” Jonas says, and his voice fucking cracks. He feels his face go hot.

Radko just watches him for a moment, then smiles and takes another drink. “Have you ever kissed a man?”

Jonas thinks about Nico. About being eighteen and giggling in a hotel room with a bottle of vodka that Nico wasn't old enough to legally drink, hours after avoiding being relegated by Belarus. The first time he and Nico ever kissed, but not the last.

“Yeah,” Jonas says.

“Anything else?” Radko asks. He doesn’t suggest anything specific, but Jonas knows what he means. And as horrible as the conversation feels, he knows that Radko is just trying to feel out what he’s done, what he knows.

“We– I– he.” Jonas takes a deep breath, then exhales, looking down at his bottle of beer. “Just jerking off. Jerking each other off.”

This time, Radko sets his beer down and walks around the counter to stand next to Jonas, to push a lock of hair back behind his ear. “You liked it,” Radko says to him. His hand settles low on his back, just at the curve of Jonas’s ass. “You wanted more.”

Jonas leaves his hands on his beer, lets Radko lean in. It’s what he wanted, what he thought about, Radko leaning in close to his ear, his voice quiet, his breath hot against Jonas’s skin.

His other hand comes up and turns Jonas’s face toward his. “Tell me when to stop,” he says, and Jonas manages to get out, “okay,” before Radko fits their mouths together.

It’s not at all like kissing Nico. Radko is soft and sweet with him, but his beard is rough against Jonas’s face, particularly where his own beard doesn’t cover. Radko is more assertive, it’s far more intense, and Jonas leans into him without even thinking about it.

It’s only kissing. It’s only standing in Radko’s kitchen, bringing one hand up to wrap around the back of Radko’s neck while Radko’s hands come to rest at his hips, pulling him in close, pressing them together. It’s only Radko’s hands slipping around to his back, down to grip his ass and drag him even closer again.

Jonas has to pull back to breathe. It’s overwhelming.

“You okay?” Radko asks, and Jonas nods. He just. He needs a second to breathe. “You wanna come to bed with me?”

Jonas feels like his heart climbs up into his throat then, and when he opens his mouth what comes out is nothing that even resembles words. It makes Radko laugh, and pressed together as close as they are, the sound vibrates through his body. He finds Radko’s mouth again and kisses him.

“Yeah,” he finally says when he pulls back again. “Take me to bed.”

That’s how Jonas ends up naked in Radko’s bed, his body hot and heavy on top of him, scraping beard burn into the skin of his neck. He feels a spark of nervousness when they’re finally naked, but it doesn’t feel like Radko is pushing him toward anything– toward fucking, which Jonas feels nervous about. There’s a moment of pure want as they’re undressing, at least until he sees Radko’s cock.

He didn’t expect it to be small, and it's not. Radko’s a big guy, and while his dick isn’t huge, it hangs thick between his legs. Thicker than Jonas thinks he wants to be fucked with for his first time.

A thrill of panic rushes through him when he realizes he _does_ want Radko to fuck him. Maybe not tonight, but eventually. It makes his own dick twitch.

Radko doesn’t pin his wrists down – he thinks he’d like Radko to pin his wrists down – just keeps kissing his way down Jonas’s body, scraping his beard across his skin.

“You’ve only had girls suck you off, yes?” Radko asks him.

Jonas responds with, “Oh God,” and Radko’s mouth is on the crease of his thigh. Jonas can feel his tongue and his beard and his teeth all at once. He thinks about screaming or crying or both.

“Do you want me to do it?” Radko asks. His nose is nudging into Jonas’s pubes, so close to Jonas’s dick.

“Yes,” Jonas says, and it’s a whimper. He’d be embarrassed if he weren’t so turned on. He’s having a hard time remembering that he’s supposed to be straight or that he should be embarrassed by how turned on he is from just having someone kissing him like this.

Radko closes his mouth around Jonas’s cock and Jonas fucking yelps. It makes Radko laugh, which vibrates through Jonas’s body and makes his toes curl. He breathes through it and tries to think about things that aren’t sexy when Radko slides Jonas’s dick to the back of his throat and down. He’s getting fucking deep throated by a man, and Radko’s hands are huge on his thighs as he presses Jonas’s hips into the sheets, and he’s just trying his best to not come in fifteen seconds and embarrass himself.

Jonas rests one hand on Radko’s head, scratching his fingers through coarse hair that’s not long enough to grab onto – it’s weird – and throws his forearm across his eyes.

Radko pulls back. “I’m going to use my fingers,” he says, wrapping one hand around the base of Jonas’s cock, and stroking one finger on his other hand down Jonas’s– 

That’s a finger on his taint and then–

Pressed against his asshole–

“Oh fuck,” he whispers.

Radko’s lips slip over the head of Jonas’s dick again, as he takes his fingers away. There’s a soft clicking noise that Jonas’s mind can’t immediately place. But a beat later, Radko’s fingers are back, wet with– oh, there’s lube, and he’s pushing one finger gently against– and it’s slipping in– 

Jonas has been trying so hard to pretend that he’s not gay that he’s never fingered himself, so having Radko press a finger into him is a whole new sensation that overwhelms him. Radko doesn’t stop when Jonas whimpers, pushing his finger deeper, twisting and bending.

Jonas swears several times in Swiss-German as he comes in Radko’s mouth.

Radko moves to rest next to him on the bed, where Jonas is lying with his eyes closed, rediscovering how to breathe. He’s not sure he’s ever come that hard in his life, and Radko is pressed up against every inch of him now, his own dick hard against Jonas’s hip.

“Do you want to touch me?” Radko asks, and Jonas exhales sharply with a whine. He doesn’t mean to, but he does. Radko laughs as he reaches out and pulls Jonas onto his side so they’re facing each other. “You can just jerk me off.”

Jonas leans in and kisses him, reaching down between them to wrap his fingers around Radko’s dick. It’s thick and hot in his hand, and it’s maybe too dry, but he gets the job done anyway, Radko thrusting into the tight circle of his hand as Jonas jerks him until he’s coming.

Radko is gentle as he extracts Jonas’s hand away from his dick and lifts it up. He slips Jonas’s fingers into his mouth and licks his own come off of them.

Jonas has never been in love before, but right in that instant he thinks he might be.

He’s not sure if they’re dating after that. All Jonas knows is that he spends an awful lot of time on Radko’s couch, resting between the V of his legs, while Radko strokes a hand through his hair as they watch TV. They often watch in English, but Radko teaches him some of the words in Czech, which is useful in the locker room.

Sometimes, Jonas translates the same words back to Radko in Swiss-German. He’s the only one in their locker room who speaks it in the regular season, with Geisser and Riat back to their teams. It’s not helpful, but he likes that Radko is willing to learn them anyway. To share another language with him.

They haven’t had sex yet. Jonas is still terrified of the idea, even though he’s pretty sure that he wants it. The prospect of taking Radko’s cock just seems like a lot. Jonas wishes maybe he’d gotten a head start on this, like with Nico, whose dick was definitely not that thick.

Jonas has stopped jerking off to memories of Nico’s hands on his cock and started to touch himself to fantasies of Radko’s fingers pressing inside him.

His own fingers aren’t the same, he’s discovered.

And while Jonas hasn’t been ready whenever Radko has suggested he fuck him, they keep fooling around, Radko fingers him and sucks him off and Jonas jerks him off in return, even getting bold enough to push a finger into Radko himself. It surprises a sound out of Radko that Jonas has never heard before, and he wants to do something to have Radko make it again.

Jonas sucks Radko’s dick for the first time in a hotel room, on his knees at the foot of the bed. He gags himself accidentally and pulls back, eyes watering, looking up at Radko.

“Sorry,” he says, and Radko just smiles at him.

“You have plenty of time to practice,” he says, stroking his fingers through Jonas’s hair. “Just take it easy, go slow. You don’t have to deep throat me on the first try. You don’t even have to swallow.”

Jonas licks his lips and takes the head of Radko’s cock back into his mouth, sucking slowly. He thinks about what he likes when Radko does this to him, and what he could actually do. He wraps his fist around the base of Radko’s cock and stretches his mouth around the rest, taking as much as he can.

It’s sloppy, and there’s too much spit, and Jonas slips his other hand down to press against his own cock through his underwear for some relief, because it’s a lot. He keeps going, bobbing his head and working his hand as a counterpoint, and then Radko is tugging urgently at his hair. Jonas comes in his own hand.

Radko spills in his mouth because Jonas forgets to pull back, he’s so startled by his own orgasm, and suddenly he has a mouth full of come.

He looks up at Radko, eyes wide.

“Either swallow or go spit it out,” Radko instructs, breathing a little hard.

Jonas swallows. He gags a little, and Radko gives a breathy little laugh and tugs on his hair again, encouraging him up onto the bed. He raises an eyebrow when he catches sight of the wet patch on the front of Jonas’s shorts.

“You came from sucking me off?” Radko says, and Jonas doesn’t look at him. Blushing is less obvious on him than it might be on someone else, but his skin feels hot all over and he wishes desperately that he hadn’t cut his hair so he could hide his face behind it right this instant.

Radko reaches out and pulls him in, kisses him, dips his tongue deep into Jonas’s mouth and Jonas realizes that Radko is tasting his own come in Jonas’s mouth.

Fuck.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Radko tells him, his voice soft. “You’re young. It was your first time.” That doesn’t make Jonas feel better. “Plus, I can always make you come again.”

Jonas isn’t even sure what the noise he makes at that would be classified as.

Radko pulls Jonas forward to straddle his lap, pressing that wet patch between them. It feels cold and gross and also kind of great, because he wants to grind his come up against Radko’s stomach until his cock is hard again.

“You could fuck me,” Radko says to him.

Jonas’s brain turns off completely.

“Uhhh,” he says.

“Would you be into that?” Radko says, his voice calm and soft. The topic hasn’t come up before, and Jonas had just assumed that Radko wasn’t really into the idea of getting fucked. He’s only ever asked Jonas if he’d want Radko to fuck him before, but now– 

“Yeah,” Jonas finally manages to say. It’s a miracle his brain is functioning at all, given how much time Radko spends short-circuiting it.

“Get up and take your pants off,” Radko says to him, and Jonas does, while Radko gets up to rummage through his bag. 

He comes back with condoms and lube and Jonas’s mouth goes dry.

“You’ll have to finger me first,” Radko says. Jonas knows that, of course, but it’s clear that Radko is going to walk him through this. Jonas is grateful for that. “And put the condom on before you start with the lube, or you’ll never be able to get the packet open.”

Jonas strips his shorts off and climbs up onto the bed. He’s glad for the advice because sure, that seems totally sensible. He gets the condom rolled down his already-hard cock, but spills lube on the bed. He panics a little at making a mess, but wiping at the lube only serves to smear it across the duvet. 

“Hey,” Radko says, and Jonas looks up at him. “Relax. It’s okay.”

“Okay,” Jonas says. He takes a deep breath.

“Don’t force anything, go slow,” Radko says, and his voice goes a little breathy as Jonas strokes a finger across his hole. “You’ve fingered me before, it’s just gonna be more this time.”

Jonas pushes one finger in, but one finger is easy. It’s only a few seconds before Radko says, “More,” and Jonas adds a second.

“Open them up,” he says, and Jonas spreads his fingers apart. “Then a third.”

His voice sounds shaky. Jonas has never quite heard him like this before. He works his fingers in and out, spreading them apart a few times before sliding a third one in with them.

“We need– you need more lube,” Radko tells him. It feels easy, but Jonas does as he’s told. He figures Radko knows better than he does.

“Go slow,” is the next instruction. “Your dick–”

Jonas slips his fingers out slowly, and uses them to guide his condom-sheathed cock against Radko instead. All he can do is watch in slack-jawed awe as he presses himself in, as the head pops past the tight ring of muscle and Radko gasps.

“Siegs,” he says. “Jonas.”

He says Jonas’s name right, not wrong like everyone else here does, and Jonas looks away from where they’re connected and at Radko’s face instead.

“Fuck me,” he says. “Start slow.”

Jonas pushes in until there’s no further to go and stops, as the room fills up with the sound of both of them breathing hard. It’s hot and tight and Radko beckons him to lean down, so he does. Radko kisses him.

“You’re so perfect,” Radko tells him, tangling his fingers into Jonas’s hair and pulling hard. It makes Jonas gasp, and he rocks his hips back slightly, giving a shallow thrust back in. “You can fuck me. Don’t be scared.”

“I won’t hurt you?” Jonas asks.

“No, miláček, no,” Radko tells him.

Jonas fucks him, moving his hips slowly at first, Radko encouraging him all the way, until he settles into a good rhythm. Until he hits something that makes Radko gasp, and he shifts his hips to make it happen over and over again. Until Radko is moaning with every thrust.

Radko slips a hand between them and starts jerking himself off, but even then, Jonas comes first, spilling out into the condom, gasping Radko’s name and pressing his face down into the crook of his neck with a sob. Radko keeps jerking himself off until Jonas feels him spill hot and wet between them.

They stay still for a couple of minutes. “Go throw away the condom,” Radko says eventually, and Jonas goes, tired and sated and obedient. He comes back to curl up against Radko and tuck his head under Radko’s chin, burying his nose in the sweaty hair of his chest and breathing in.

“I hope you’re ready to let me do this to you, one day,” Radko whispers to him. He’s rubbing his thumb in circles on Jonas’s lower back, the blankets tugged up around him.

Next time Radko asks to fuck him, Jonas thinks, he’s saying yes.

It doesn’t happen until they’ve been at home a while, on a long home stand. Jonas guesses that’s fair, thinks that he might want a day to lie about in bed after he takes a cock for the first time, especially Radko’s.

It’s all very sweet, actually. Radko comes over and they order food, because Jonas… well. Jonas knows how to cook, but he’s not very good at it, and he mostly knows recipes his mom taught him that he’s not supposed to be eating, anyway. Radko picks up beer on his way and they curl up on the couch after.

They always end up in the same position, with Radko propped up in the corner of the couch, Jonas settled in the V of his legs, resting against Radko’s chest. Radko plays with his hair, carding his fingers through the strands as they make their way through the latest series the team is obsessed with on Netflix.

They’ve watched several episodes, and Jonas doesn’t know how late it is when Radko finally says, “Do you want to go to bed?”

Jonas sits up and turns to look at him, unaware that his hair is a mess or what he looks like with his eyes sleepy, the blanket they’ve had over them hanging off his shoulder. He sees the way that Radko looks at him then, the way his eyes flick from Jonas’s hair to his face and down, then back. The way he smiles.

Jonas is pretty sure he has some feelings.

“Let’s go,” he says, and stands up, tossing the blanket into a pile on the sofa. He reaches down a hand to pull at Radko, and leads him down the hallway to the bedroom once he’s on his feet.

In the bedroom, the nerves bubble up, even as he’s letting Radko tug his t-shirt off. Radko is sweet when he kisses Jonas, his hands are gentle on Jonas’s skin even if his hands are rough from years of being shoved in hockey gloves and handling sticks. In a perfect world, Radko would lift him up onto the bed, lay him down gently, make love to him.

In this world, Jonas is too tall and too heavy for Radko to do that. In this world, Jonas’s knees hit the back of bed and he falls over, and Radko comes down on top of him, laughing.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Radko asks him.

“Just go slow?” Jonas says, uncertain. Radko kisses him again.

“I will,” he says, and he pulls back. It’s weird for Jonas to think that he keeps a regular supply of lube in his bedroom now, but he does, and Radko comes back with that and a condom.

Jonas shifts further back on the bed, propping himself up on his pillows as he watches Radko roll the condom down the length of his cock. He bites down on his lip, watching Radko’s hand move curl around the girth.

“I think I need a lot of fingers,” Jonas says. Radko laughs again, and then he kneels between Jonas’s thighs, pushing his legs up, spreading him open.

“I’ll take it slow,” Radko tells him. “I’ll make sure I don’t hurt you.”

“Okay,” Jonas says, and then Radko is pressing slick fingers against him, pushing just one in slow, twisting and bending.

“You have to relax, though, or we’re never going to get there,” Radko say.

“I’m trying but–” Jonas says. “Your– do you know how intimidating your dick looks?”

Radko tilts his head and looks at Jonas, then says, “Because your dick is so small?” He runs a finger down the length before wrapping his hand around the base and giving Jonas a couple of strokes.

That, at least, makes Jonas laugh and his body tighten around Radko’s finger. Radko bends his finger at just the right moment to make Jonas gasp and squirm. He works slow, stroking Jonas’s cock with one hand, working with just one finger until he has Jonas breathing a little faster and relaxing.

He adds the second finger and Jonas tenses up slightly, before going limp and easy around him. He opens his fingers, and Jonas sighs, raising one arm up to tuck behind his head. He keeps his eyes closed, but he can feel when Radko does more, adds the third finger.

Jonas is not sure that he’s going to be able to do it, even with Radko pumping three fingers in and out of him easily. He starts to worry that he’s going to come before Radko even gets near him with a dick, until he feels more lube, cold and wet and then Radko is right there, thick and hot against him.

“Just breathe,” Radko tells him, and starts pushing forward.

Jonas is torn between the agony of the stretch and the agony of how slow Radko is going. Radko slides in, pushes all the way until he’s pressed flush against Jonas, then he leans down to kiss his neck.

“You okay?” he asks, his voice low and quiet.

“Yeah,” Jonas says. “Yeah, just give me a second.”

He may need more than a couple of seconds, because the stretch is almost painful, the feeling of being filled this way more overwhelming than any of the times Radko has fingered him.

Radko keeps kissing along his neck, the line of his jaw, pushing Jonas’s head back into the pillows as their lower bodies lie still. Jonas is happy to enjoy it for the moment, until the ache stops.

“Okay,” he says after a minute, and shifts his hips slightly. It makes Radko’s cock shift inside him, and he gasps.

“Do you want me to put you on top?” Radko asks him, pushing himself up slightly. Jonas has to force his eyes open to look up at Radko. “I thought it might be easier for you on your back, but it might also be better if you control it.”

“I want you to–” Jonas says. “Will you just. Just fuck me?”

Radko laughs, nips at his neck, then kisses him. “I can do that,” he says.

He brings his mouth back to Jonas’s, kisses him slow as he rolls his hips, sliding his dick out and then pushing back in. Jonas whimpers underneath him, the sound stuck at the back of his throat with Radko’s mouth on his.

Radko fucks him until he’s moaning, bucking his hips to meet every single thrust, shifting his legs, digging his heel into the back of one of Radko’s thighs. Radko reaches between them, gets a hand on Jonas’s cock, and it only takes a few strokes before come is splashing onto Jonas’s stomach, is smearing all over them from the press of Radko’s body as he keeps on thrusting into him.

Jonas goes limp underneath him and lets Radko fuck him until Radko follows him over the edge with a loud grunt that he muffles in Jonas’s neck.

He pulls out and the loss makes Jonas gasp. When he’s gone, Jonas feels weirdly open and empty, and he doesn’t like it. Radko slips off the bed and Jonas hears the distant sound of water running in the bathroom before he comes back to wipe him down carefully with a cloth, lukewarm and damp as he cleans the come off of Jonas’s stomach before climbing back into bed.

“You okay,” he asks, reaching out and pushing a lock of Jonas’s hair back behind his ear. Jonas looks up at him, sleepy, and nods. “You liked it.”

“Yeah,” Jonas says, and turns onto his side to cuddle up against Radko.

“Guess you wanna do it again sometime,” Radko says.

Jonas presses his smile into Radko’s shoulder.

It takes a long time to come to terms with it.

They’re back at Radko’s watching some stupid movie that Tom has been talking about for weeks and has been trying to get everyone to watch. Jonas is bored and he’s pretty sure that Radko is mostly asleep. He shifts under the blanket and pushes himself up until he’s sitting between Radko’s thighs instead of lying back against him.

“Hey,” he says, and pushes his hair back behind his ears. “Can we. Talk.”

“Sure,” Radko says, sleepily. Then it’s like he realizes what Jonas has said, and he frowns. “Wait. About what?”

“Nothing serious,” Jonas says. “I mean, it’s serious for me, but it’s not about– like I don’t want to talk about our relationship or like.”

“If you start calling me your boyfriend in private it’s going to slip out in public,” Radko says sleepily.

“Stop,” Jonas says. “Let me talk.”

“Talk,” Radko says.

“So, I’ve been thinking about this a lot,” Jonas says. “Because you know. You can’t be gay and play hockey, right?”

“You can,” Radko says. “I do.”

“But not _out_,” Jonas says. “And I slept with girls and I thought it was fine, it was whatever, that’s what sex was like, but– I guess I’m just saying I’m gay.”

“Miláček, I know,” Radko says. “You’ve sucked my dick. You sucked my dick _last night_.”

“That’s not the point,” Jonas says, and he’s blushing, ducking his head down. “I just needed to say it out loud, to someone.”

“To me,” Radko says.

“It was pretty important that I say it to you,” Jonas says. “Since you’re my partner.” He mimics Radko’s accent when he says partner, leaning back over and stretching out with his stomach pressed against Radko’s until they’re nose to nose.

“You’re a brat,” Radko says.

Jonas smiles at him. “Love you,” he says, then ducks his head down, because it still feels overwhelming to say out loud, even though he feels it down to his toes.

“Love you too, miláček,” Radko says, tugging the blanket back up around them.

**Author's Note:**

> on twitter @notedgoon, probably coming up with something else terrible.


End file.
